This book is a treasure. It’s a beautifully crafted, honest, and clearly articulated exploration about what happens when partners become parents and why so often dads disappear emotionally or physically in the early years after the birth of a child.
There is no judgment in the exploration—only a clear-minded and empathetic exploration of this pandemic that so seriously affects and undermines the very fabric of our culture.
As a life and wellness coach, I’ve been waiting for a book like this for many years. Yes, my coaching is effective in helping people move through their obstacles to achieve their objectives, but it’s so much easier when the client has a readable resource that gives him or her a realistic palette of possibilities, and also gives us a shared language. This book is just such a resource.
Once we see clearly, it’s impossible to not see. This book is a life changer. It so compassionately and factually parts the curtains that we can never completely put the curtains back again.
Bobbie Burdett, BCC, PCC (candidate), Director of Training for HealthWorld Online, and Life and Wellness Coach coachbobbie.com
The time has come to recognize that raising a child should not take a village. Even the village idiot probably knows that it does take two loving and nurturing parents to raise a healthy, well-adjusted child.
Today a majority of children do not have that essential! Forty-five percent are born to single mothers and a hearty additional percentage wind up with a single parent when the father divorces or just “leaves.” In no other mammalian species is the situation so bleak.
As Meryn emphasizes, it is the quality of fathering and not just the time that is crucial.
Although paternal post-partum depression may develop because of unfulfilled narcissism on the part of fathers who somehow feel abandoned or neglected, the root problem is even more serious. Rigid male machine behavior lies at the foundation for many males who abandon their natural responsibility. Parenting should always be a mutual responsibility.
From maternal preoccupation to male “self-focus”, healing childhood traumas, attachment traumas, and the most “secret” of all, male dependency on women, all the excuses in the world must lead ultimately to some serious personal insight if an insecure man is to avoid abandoning his wife and children. A really healthy, conscientious male will seek whatever therapy and self-regulation is necessary to save his marriage, the respect and love of his children and his own well-being. For children this mature father helps immensely in having the children handle stress well, develop healthy relationships themselves, and ultimately reach their full potential for a longer, healthy life.
Why Dads Leave: Insights & Resources for When Partners Become Parents should be required reading for all males, no later than age 16 and again at least before marriage. A great gift to all unmarried people.
C. Norman Shealy, M.D., Ph.D., American Holistic Association
As a pediatrician of over twenty years, I have found it crucial to understand the health needs of the whole family, not just the child. There are numerous books discussing the needs of children, an increasing number on the needs of the mother, but still way too few books which discuss the needs and experiences of fathers. This book, Why Dads Leave: Insights & Resources for When Partners Become Parents, will hopefully lead to many more books and physical support for fathers and couples. This book is painful to read at times because this is after all a story about the pain of young boys and men. But this story needs telling if we are to heal this ‘his-story’ of trauma and loss. As Callander states, many soon-to-be parents may not be able to “hear” this story until they find themselves experiencing it. But having this story told and understood by families as well as mental and medical health providers will none-the-less help all families. Thanks to Meryn and Jack’s persistence and bravery in sharing this story many families will hopefully be helped and healed.
Bettina Vaello, M.D.